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Starting February 1st ALL new Exiern pages will post ONLY to Exiern.com and Our Patreon. Please read and support us there!
Swords, Sorcery, And Then Some!
Howdy, New Readers! Thanks for reading Exiern!
Written by Scott T. Hicken with art by Antipus, the comic updates Mondays. Please check out the Archive to enjoy the earlier adventures of Typh and Peonie!
Exiern contains mature themes and is best for readers 18+.
This is not going to end well. Seriously, does she think that Urtica doesn’t have himself defended up the wazoo against spellsinging? And most poisons on the globe? And catapult strikes? And dragon attacks? Zombies, uprising mobs, swine flu, hangnails, bad hair days, oliphants, cheesy crossover episodes, stock market crashes, inaccurate GPS directions….
Lol. Teresa, you remember that song in the background that you never could trace or end? Why are you assuming Urtica isn’t somehow behind it? Wonder who his ally is, though…
Mind you, whatever she has in mind is doubtless richly deserved. He’ll need to keep his guard up. Also, if he crosses allies like this regularly, it’s a wonder he’s still king.
Actually the king has a point, it’s not that he considers Teresa or the current church that she’ll build as “the enemy”, he’s thinking of some future successor to the throne as “the enemy” and preparing accordingly. Given the untrustworthiness of royalty in this world, he made a good call.
It is a valid point that Theresa’s hold on her position as head of the church is tenuous. If she goes back to the other higher ups with a bad deal, saying “Sorry. I got out maneuvered by the King. We take it in the shorts”, she could be out on her a!s in a very short time and the King will have to deal with a pissed off bunch of spell singers. Not a recipe for peaceful coexistence.
I think that Tiff’s surprisingly calm approach to all of this may reflect either that she feels that she has little to lose here, knowing that she can escape any time she wants or that she may actually be ahead of the King’s machinations.
We shall see.
@Ben – I think it is because it would have jepordised the trap they were setting for Coriander. Either way I get the feeling that Urtica is going to get the upper hand here again and that she is going to end up in bed with him.
Teresa, magically assaulting the King is a poor way to end the relationship. Especially when he knows you’re going to do it, has countermeasures in place and you don’t know what else he has in place.
For those who think this is a total dick move (it *is* a dick move, just not a total one), remember Urtica has just put down an attempted coup (Coriander). A good king (as opposed to a Good King I suppose) also has to insure that the coup will not be resurrected by some future Coriander., so he’s keeping the Book. It’s the price the Church pays for Coriander’s leadership.
had Teresa played ball and let Urtica keep the Book without doing something stupid like this, Urtica might have returned it in 5 or 10 years. Now…who knows?
He just had to do all this crazy stuff (to the point of getting married!) to deal with Coriander’s corruption – it is only logical to take preventive measures so nobody has to do that again. And Theresa, like the rest of the church, does not want to give up any little fragment of power, so he couldn’t exactly discuss it with her. (Not to mention that I am still not exactly sure she is trustworthy). And he did include some benefits for the church in return.
As for the book, it’s completely idiotic to give away your only piece of evidence before the trial. She could wait until after the trial to punish accomplices – heck, I doubt she needs the actual book as evidence when she does it. (And if she does, she definitely doesn’t need it as much as “state against head of church” needs it).
Yes, Urtica is an a!s, but it’s what makes him an efficient king. On the other hand, let’s count what each one of them won over this:
Urtica settled a corruption in his kingdom. Oh, and almost lost his daughter and only heir in the process.
Theresa got her name clean, became head of the church. Oh, and she risked nothing in the process. And you can add this to the previous tab of being saved from silencing/execution by the king.
@Phoebe Fair point. Just keep in mind that all of the things you said about Theresa (Not wanting to give up power, being of an uncertain amount of trustworthiness) ALSO apply to Urtica.
You all have to remember that Urtica wants a male heir to the throne. It’s the reason he was going to marry Tiff at one point, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some sort of “seduction spell” planned for this if she tries to spellsing. Actually Teresa should agree to it as well as being mother to the heir would give her a bargaining chip.
Teresa blundered by not giving Urtica full disclosure.
What Urtica has just done is to actively deceive Teresa, and (apparently legally) bind the Church to a contract she never agreed to sign. I think he may have just turned a trustworthy ally into an enemy.
[just shakes head] For one who has been around the Court for a while Theresa still hasn’t figured much out… Such as when to cool it and wait for a better time for revenge. Or better yet, think beyond herself.
Which is what the king Has to do in order to be a half-decent ruler. Any leader will tell you that that whole “it’s great to be the king” schtick is very short lived or the King Will be. Ask the French about some of their historic monarchs (notably their Beheaded ones) if you don’t believe me.
Teresa, if you honestly think Urtica isn’t about as well protected as a Dawn Caste Solar, you’re sorely mistaken. An experienced Solar Exalt has perfect defenses against everything with only two or three holes. A Dawn Caste Solar knows what those holes are and how to make sure every attempt to breach them fails miserably.
I know some folks want to see Urtica get what is coming to him, but it would make no sense for him not to have some sort of serious defenses against magic. If folks like Coriander and the previous Deacon could just steamroll over him with magic then they would have done so long ago. At best, without some sort of defense or countermeasure, he’d have just have been a puppet-ruler of the first magic user to roll by, at worst the entire world would be ruled by mages and spellsingers.
Also Uritca doesn’t want someone who is being forced to be his wife. To quote him “I have no interest in weak women.” He wants a wife who can keep up with him.
Someone is going to get spanked here and it’s not him.
Now that they are divorced they can fool around. For all the feather ruffing i think Tess really want a reason to make up with him.
There is no evidence she has had a chance to take her new body on a test drive and word is he is the best road in town. So she can hit that and leave town with a smile on her face. Besides once she is surrounded by priest how is she going to get her freak on?
Not true. Urtica was not hung up on having a male heir. He just wanted *an* heir that was interested in carrying on the Family Business. Peonie did NOT look interested.
Rather than force Peonie to be what she did not want to be, Urtica went looking for a bride that could give him a child or more that might want to succeed him.
Now that Peonie is showing some interest in being Queen, Urtica may not need a bride as much. He could always use a spare to go with the heir though…
@Cerulean Lion – she did more than just blunder a little. Her blunder (failure to disclose an avenue of attack Coriander could pursue) gets compounded by her utter failure to take responsibility for said blunder. There’s not even an apology in there. There’s misdirection and finger-pointing. She brings up the “I thought you trusted me” gambit, failing to acknowledge that she didn’t trust Urtica enough to give him complete information to plan with. So let me ask you, do you think that she would have agreed to a check-and-balance on the Church had he asked nicely? I don’t – I think she’s showing herself to be at least as interested in the power of being the head of the church as she was interested in removing the moral stain that Coriander was creating.
@Tahnru Perhaps. Or perhaps she is angry and nit thinking straight. I know I tend to get defensive when I am angry and it us only when I cal down that I realuze my mistakes. If she plans to try spellsinging at Urtica it us clearly a move borne out of anger and NIT calculation. In case this seems like a wait and see kind of thing. Also I wonder if resigning from leading the chrch woould take the winds out of the contract.
Its all planned out she screwed.. He knew she cast something.. As for Allies you need the in a Democracy .. And for all his sweet talk he IS KING.. They said Originally he had absolute power then to cement his Position I think he created that constitution that Ponie so Hates. Weakening her to the point that she could not shut up a old man making fun of her.Like England of are world. Now I think he is fixing that. He plans to give his Daughter a Empire a Throne not a token Trophy Position.
We will have to see if you are right ior not. Ironically, historically it wasn’t so much that it was thought that integration of the church and state was a bad thing it was just a case if arguing over who should hold the reigns
My bet is Urtica gave Teresa a fair, possibly even awesome deal, but tricked her into taking it so that she would be angry at him, thereby convincing people that (despite the almost marriage) she’ll never trust him. He doesn’t want it to look like she’s his plant. It’ll be a scandal for a while, but as long as she weathers the initial blast, it won’t hurt her at all. She’ll become the go-to for people who don’t like Urtica without being a monster like Coriander.
@Cerulean Lion: Urtica didn’t deceive Teresa, she signed a binding legal document composed by a Magnificent Bastard king WITHOUT READING IT, Knowing full well how great a schemer he is. She’s lucky she didn’t just sign herself into being his court jester or something.
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whatever you plan, he already counter it, so…. give up while your ahead.
So what do you think she’s going to do? Turn him into an a!s or give him a bigger one?
Sneaky… very very sneaky Urtica. 🙂
This is not going to end well. Seriously, does she think that Urtica doesn’t have himself defended up the wazoo against spellsinging? And most poisons on the globe? And catapult strikes? And dragon attacks? Zombies, uprising mobs, swine flu, hangnails, bad hair days, oliphants, cheesy crossover episodes, stock market crashes, inaccurate GPS directions….
Writing with hydra-bile ink on hydra-hide. Nice touch… he really does think of everything…
She’s probably going to give home the Bottom treatment: head of an a!s. Seems appropriate.
Seriously Urtica, this is the kind of s!!t you pull with an enemy not an ally.
Is she going to give him… a spanking? Kinky!
Lol. Teresa, you remember that song in the background that you never could trace or end? Why are you assuming Urtica isn’t somehow behind it? Wonder who his ally is, though…
Mind you, whatever she has in mind is doubtless richly deserved. He’ll need to keep his guard up. Also, if he crosses allies like this regularly, it’s a wonder he’s still king.
This is probably how their marriage is going to be consummated.
Actually the king has a point, it’s not that he considers Teresa or the current church that she’ll build as “the enemy”, he’s thinking of some future successor to the throne as “the enemy” and preparing accordingly. Given the untrustworthiness of royalty in this world, he made a good call.
@CptNerd Why couldn’t he have discussed this point with her before hand?
It is a valid point that Theresa’s hold on her position as head of the church is tenuous. If she goes back to the other higher ups with a bad deal, saying “Sorry. I got out maneuvered by the King. We take it in the shorts”, she could be out on her a!s in a very short time and the King will have to deal with a pissed off bunch of spell singers. Not a recipe for peaceful coexistence.
I think that Tiff’s surprisingly calm approach to all of this may reflect either that she feels that she has little to lose here, knowing that she can escape any time she wants or that she may actually be ahead of the King’s machinations.
We shall see.
It’s a Xanatos Gambit.
And you do NOT want to play Xanatos Speed Chess with Urtica.
Maybe Victor Cachat could keep up, i guess…
@Ben – I think it is because it would have jepordised the trap they were setting for Coriander. Either way I get the feeling that Urtica is going to get the upper hand here again and that she is going to end up in bed with him.
Teresa, magically assaulting the King is a poor way to end the relationship. Especially when he knows you’re going to do it, has countermeasures in place and you don’t know what else he has in place.
For those who think this is a total dick move (it *is* a dick move, just not a total one), remember Urtica has just put down an attempted coup (Coriander). A good king (as opposed to a Good King I suppose) also has to insure that the coup will not be resurrected by some future Coriander., so he’s keeping the Book. It’s the price the Church pays for Coriander’s leadership.
had Teresa played ball and let Urtica keep the Book without doing something stupid like this, Urtica might have returned it in 5 or 10 years. Now…who knows?
Teresa may very well be about to lose her mouth.
He just had to do all this crazy stuff (to the point of getting married!) to deal with Coriander’s corruption – it is only logical to take preventive measures so nobody has to do that again. And Theresa, like the rest of the church, does not want to give up any little fragment of power, so he couldn’t exactly discuss it with her. (Not to mention that I am still not exactly sure she is trustworthy). And he did include some benefits for the church in return.
As for the book, it’s completely idiotic to give away your only piece of evidence before the trial. She could wait until after the trial to punish accomplices – heck, I doubt she needs the actual book as evidence when she does it. (And if she does, she definitely doesn’t need it as much as “state against head of church” needs it).
Yes, Urtica is an a!s, but it’s what makes him an efficient king. On the other hand, let’s count what each one of them won over this:
Urtica settled a corruption in his kingdom. Oh, and almost lost his daughter and only heir in the process.
Theresa got her name clean, became head of the church. Oh, and she risked nothing in the process. And you can add this to the previous tab of being saved from silencing/execution by the king.
Oh, dear.
Teresa, Urtica has thus far proven himself a master of seeing what’s coming and preparing for it.
If you’re thinking he wasn’t expecting spellsinging by this point, I’m disappointed in you.
@Phoebe Fair point. Just keep in mind that all of the things you said about Theresa (Not wanting to give up power, being of an uncertain amount of trustworthiness) ALSO apply to Urtica.
@Kailuun: They just broke up and after this she obviously has no intention to ever sleep with him.
You all have to remember that Urtica wants a male heir to the throne. It’s the reason he was going to marry Tiff at one point, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some sort of “seduction spell” planned for this if she tries to spellsing. Actually Teresa should agree to it as well as being mother to the heir would give her a bargaining chip.
Spanking!
Spanking!
Spanking!
~LOL~
> It’s a Xanatos Gambit.
Or perhaps even a Thanatos Gambit.
Someone finally standing up to Kingie? Aboutbloodytime!!
Teresa blundered by not giving Urtica full disclosure.
What Urtica has just done is to actively deceive Teresa, and (apparently legally) bind the Church to a contract she never agreed to sign. I think he may have just turned a trustworthy ally into an enemy.
[just shakes head] For one who has been around the Court for a while Theresa still hasn’t figured much out… Such as when to cool it and wait for a better time for revenge. Or better yet, think beyond herself.
Which is what the king Has to do in order to be a half-decent ruler. Any leader will tell you that that whole “it’s great to be the king” schtick is very short lived or the King Will be. Ask the French about some of their historic monarchs (notably their Beheaded ones) if you don’t believe me.
Teresa, if you honestly think Urtica isn’t about as well protected as a Dawn Caste Solar, you’re sorely mistaken. An experienced Solar Exalt has perfect defenses against everything with only two or three holes. A Dawn Caste Solar knows what those holes are and how to make sure every attempt to breach them fails miserably.
I know some folks want to see Urtica get what is coming to him, but it would make no sense for him not to have some sort of serious defenses against magic. If folks like Coriander and the previous Deacon could just steamroll over him with magic then they would have done so long ago. At best, without some sort of defense or countermeasure, he’d have just have been a puppet-ruler of the first magic user to roll by, at worst the entire world would be ruled by mages and spellsingers.
Who says Terry is going to Sing at him? o_O
That’s sounds like he’d be drugging her though. More importantly, i doubt Teresa would be happy being a baby factory/broodmare.
Same reason Typhan-Knee wasn’t happy with that offer, it’s extremely insulting.
Also Uritca doesn’t want someone who is being forced to be his wife. To quote him “I have no interest in weak women.” He wants a wife who can keep up with him.
Someone is going to get spanked here and it’s not him.
Now that they are divorced they can fool around. For all the feather ruffing i think Tess really want a reason to make up with him.
There is no evidence she has had a chance to take her new body on a test drive and word is he is the best road in town. So she can hit that and leave town with a smile on her face. Besides once she is surrounded by priest how is she going to get her freak on?
Doug,
Not true. Urtica was not hung up on having a male heir. He just wanted *an* heir that was interested in carrying on the Family Business. Peonie did NOT look interested.
Rather than force Peonie to be what she did not want to be, Urtica went looking for a bride that could give him a child or more that might want to succeed him.
Now that Peonie is showing some interest in being Queen, Urtica may not need a bride as much. He could always use a spare to go with the heir though…
Dumb move… Urtica is a deadly fighter and almost completely ruthless in addition to being viciously cunning and a seasoned politician.
@Cerulean Lion – she did more than just blunder a little. Her blunder (failure to disclose an avenue of attack Coriander could pursue) gets compounded by her utter failure to take responsibility for said blunder. There’s not even an apology in there. There’s misdirection and finger-pointing. She brings up the “I thought you trusted me” gambit, failing to acknowledge that she didn’t trust Urtica enough to give him complete information to plan with. So let me ask you, do you think that she would have agreed to a check-and-balance on the Church had he asked nicely? I don’t – I think she’s showing herself to be at least as interested in the power of being the head of the church as she was interested in removing the moral stain that Coriander was creating.
That’s “King Magnificient Bastard Urtica” to you, lady.
@Tahnru Perhaps. Or perhaps she is angry and nit thinking straight. I know I tend to get defensive when I am angry and it us only when I cal down that I realuze my mistakes. If she plans to try spellsinging at Urtica it us clearly a move borne out of anger and NIT calculation. In case this seems like a wait and see kind of thing. Also I wonder if resigning from leading the chrch woould take the winds out of the contract.
Sorry about my spelling up there. I am on my phone. Let me know if clarification is needed.
On another note for someone who admitted that tying chrch and government together is a bad idea Urtica SEEMS to have done just that.
Its all planned out she screwed.. He knew she cast something.. As for Allies you need the in a Democracy .. And for all his sweet talk he IS KING.. They said Originally he had absolute power then to cement his Position I think he created that constitution that Ponie so Hates. Weakening her to the point that she could not shut up a old man making fun of her.Like England of are world. Now I think he is fixing that. He plans to give his Daughter a Empire a Throne not a token Trophy Position.
As for her spell? He might let her have a token spot of revenge but I doubt it. He knows her and knew she do this.. And use it to gain more control.
@Ben – not at all, phone spelling didn’t hurt a thing. I agree, angry talking/thinking is the worst. Some people do ok or even well at it, I don’t.
We will have to see if you are right ior not. Ironically, historically it wasn’t so much that it was thought that integration of the church and state was a bad thing it was just a case if arguing over who should hold the reigns
Wait, if it’s hydra hide, how did they cut it into a square without an entire hydra growing out of it?
My bet is Urtica gave Teresa a fair, possibly even awesome deal, but tricked her into taking it so that she would be angry at him, thereby convincing people that (despite the almost marriage) she’ll never trust him. He doesn’t want it to look like she’s his plant. It’ll be a scandal for a while, but as long as she weathers the initial blast, it won’t hurt her at all. She’ll become the go-to for people who don’t like Urtica without being a monster like Coriander.
@Cerulean Lion: Urtica didn’t deceive Teresa, she signed a binding legal document composed by a Magnificent Bastard king WITHOUT READING IT, Knowing full well how great a schemer he is. She’s lucky she didn’t just sign herself into being his court jester or something.
Oh no, not another song
God I hate musical