I would like to take a moment to talk about this special time of year. This perfect time from Febuary 15 to October 30. The no holiday time of year. That right folks we are free! For 257 blissful days we don’t have to have good will for anyone or pretend to like our families or be in love with anyone. We are final free to live our lives.

Now I know what you’re saying. “What about Easter. That’s still coming up.” And, yes, Easter is still on the calendar. But despite the best efforts of the retailers (bless there little money grubbing hearts) Easter has remained a religious holiday. If anyone every says to you “where’s your Easter spirit” you can just look at them with a puzzled expression on your face and say “Sorry I’m not a Jesus freak” to end the conversation. All you have to do to opt out of easter is play the religious persecution card.

No the only power that Easter has over our lives is that we can buy Cadbury Cream Eggs in the stores. And I generally like Cadbury Cream Eggs

The holidays on the calendar between February and October are weak tea, lacking the bullying might to completely take over ever facet of your life in a coordinated social, media, and governmental blitz. For 257 days we have been liberated. You can be crabby, greedy, selfish or just in a plain old rotten mood with no one citing a holiday as to why you don’t have a right to feel the way you feel. You don’t have to interact with anyone unless you actually choose to interact with that person. No one can say to you “How can you be alone on April 27” because it’s just a day.

I for one would like to take a moment to give thanks that there are no more holidays that require me to give thanks for anything. I am quite merry to see you gone Christmas! Thanksgiving you have been gutted! Halloween I fear you no more!  New Years your time has passed! I am filled with hatred for you Valitines day! Holidays, for 257 days I am free from your tyranny and you’re powerless to do a thing about it!

And you know what when holiday seasons rolls around again, if any of use happen to see a couple of precocious children on a quest to save something. Let’s agree to take a baseball bat to their kneecaps. Because if this unspecial time could last year round, just once, that would be very… well not nice, not wonderful, not joyous… It would be very restful. And a good rest would be the greatest gift of all don’t you think?