Previously on Exiern

Faden revealed a secret

and the squirrels plotted

Blog entry

I have been asked in the past what I have against squirrels. Why do I make the squirrels in Exiern so evil. To that question I have two responses.

The first response is:

The squirrels in Exiern are not evil. They’re a super-intelligent hive mind, with mystical powers, yes. But not evil. The are just obsessed with nut. As long as you don’t stand in-between them and a tasty acorn they have a pretty much live and let live mentality. Sure they could take over the world in a heart beat but such endeavors would simply distract them from there quest for nuts.

The second response is:

To even ask that question you are clearly a person who has never owned a bird feeder. Because if you had you would know that the squirrels in Exiern are in no what an exaggeration but a true and accurate portrayal of squirrel kind.

To own a bird feeder is a constant and futile war to keep squirrels out of the seed so that there would be some left for the birds. A war where you as the human are clearly out matched intellectually. I’ve tried everything from steel cages to grease to hot pepper powder. Out side of giving the squirrels in my neighborhood acquiring a taste for Mexican food everything has been a complete failure

Once, I even tried electrifying the bird feeder. I put a current line on the poll supporting the feeder and a ground line on the feeder. The idea was that when the squirrel climbed up the poll and touched the feeder they would get a shock. Well it took less than 24 hours for the squirrels to figure out how to get around that.

You are probably thinking that the squirrels learned to jump on the feeder. Nope. The little buggers chewed through the ground line. You see! That’s a solution that takes quite a bit of electrical engineering knowledge to achieve. These are no normal woodland creature.

The squirrels are out there and they surpass our puny human intelligence in every way. All hail the All squirrel.

By the way I figure I should point out we do have an all squirrel t-shirt in the store.

Purchasing it would please the secret masters of the world.